Goodbye, cruel world: Farewell from the Raptured remains of the Boston Phoenix

Published May 21 2011, 06:02 PM by Pat D on Sports

"We never got rich, but we are going to heaven."
-- Clif Garboden

Boston Phoenix editor-in-chief Carly Carioli is raptured

Boston Phoenix managing editor Shaula Clark gets raptured

Boston Phoenix executive editor Peter Kadzis ges raptured

Boston Phoenix web designer David Delmar gets raptured

Boston Phoenix web editor Susan Kaup gets raptured

Boston Phoenix listings coordinator Michael C. Walsh gets raptured

Boston Phoenix writer and online content coordinator Maddy Myers gets raptured

Boston Phoenix creative director Kristen Goodfriend gets raptured

Boston Phoenix staff writer Eugenia Williamson gets raptured in Milwaukee
This mortal coil? The final traces of Carly Carioli, Shaula Clark, Peter Kadzis, David Delmar, Susan Kaup, Michael Walsh, Maddy Myers, Kristen Goodfriend and Eugenia Williamson. Photos taken at precisely 6:01 pm on May 21, 2011.

Who'd a thunk it? The Phoenix's degenerate heathens were pretty damn sure they weren't gonna get raptured -- but maybe G-d gives more of a shit about fighting the good fight than any of those priests thought. Either that, or Faraone cut one hell of a deal with the guys on that bus. All I can tell you is, well, one second they were here and one second they wasn't. Clothes: folded in a neat pile by Jesus, just like those Family Radio crackpots told us. And me? Well, I always told these no-good son of a cocksuckers I'd be looking down at them from on high when the day was done. And here I am, empty newsroom, with an in-box full of photos and . . . what was it Johnny Thunders useta say? You can't put your arms around a memory.

I know what you're thinkng: I musta done something godawful to be left down here while these douchebags get Hoovered into the great beyond. Well, I don't care what the fuck you or Jesus or anyone says: I still think I'm goin' ta heaven -- but not even God Himself is a stupid enough bastard to take me before the Bruins win one more motherfucking Stanley Cup. YESSAH! Love, Pat D.

Pat D alone in the Boston Phoenix newsroom after the rapture May 21 2011

Filed Under: Rapture, boston rapture, may 21 2011, rapture photos, jesus folds clothing

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Filed Under: Rapture, boston rapture, may 21 2011, rapture photos, jesus folds clothing

Boston Phoenix
Letters to the Boston editor, May 27, 2011
Published 5/27/2011 by
The end is here

Boston Phoenix
Rapture, ruptured
Published 5/27/2011 by SHAY STEWART-BOULEY
Diverse-city

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